Caregiver’s Corner

By Caregivers, For Caregivers

Caring for Abusive Father Causes Son to Revert To Childhood Trauma.

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Caring for Abusive Father Causes Son to Revert To Childhood Trauma.

My father was an abusive alcoholic for years. Now, he’s had a stroke and requires extensive care. Sadly, he still drinks. I’m 52 with a wife and kids, but every time I’m around him I feel like I’m a 9-year-old terrified kid again. How do I deal with this?  Bill in Indiana

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Dear Peter: The Bible tells us honor our mother and father, but my alcoholic (and now disabled) father was physically abusive and is still verbally abusive.  David, in TX.

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Honoring My Father and Mother?

While one of ten commandments is to indeed honor your father and mother, it does mean that we must honor alcoholism, addiction, or any other type of mental impairment that leads to inappropriate acts. Sometimes honoring them means not engaging with their destructive behavior.

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Dear Peter: Would you do it again?   Chip, feeling reflective

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Tempted to Speculate?

As caregivers, we struggle enough with reality, so living in the hypothetical is never recommended.  That said, I love the way I play the piano now, I love the way I write, and I am grateful for the ways I’m able to speak to fellow caregivers …

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Dear Peter: Why does she go through bouts of Mania?  Ramona, feeling overwhelmed.

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Her Mania is Making Me Crazy

Mania stems from a variety of sources.  Some psychological some physiological.  Step one is to make sure your loved one’s physician is aware of this behavior and ask for an action plan. 

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Dear Peter: How do we deal with doctors & their offices when you express what the issue is & no one responds to your concerns?  Debbie struggling with doctors.

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Lack of Response From Physician Offices

Doctors, and their offices, usually bustle and are often tied to a timer.  As caregivers, our hearts and bodies are weary, and it adds greater frustration when we feel overlooked or dismissed. Particularly if we busted our rears to take off time from work and struggle to get our loved one there on time

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Dear Peter: How do I not become so angry?  Leslie, with clenched fist.

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Struggling With Anger as a Caregiver

Sometimes anger is warranted.  If your anger is directed at an impaired loved one’s behavior, however, your anger can be futile.  How do you get angry with a disease?  In cases where your loved one is behaving poorly and even inappropriately

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